The Temple of Dysonism

"Still Alive, Barely."

Wed, 23 Dec 2009 23:51:54 +0000

“Still Alive, Barely.”

Filling Gaps

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 01:34:00 +0000

I haven’t posted in a while. I know. I apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused you and your viewing pleasure. It’s just that, what with work and a new relationship I hope to touch on next time I write, my free time is few and far between. I’ve had a brand new copy of Borderlands sitting next to my 360 for 3 days now, waiting to be played. It’s still in its shrink wrap. Not good.

Not sure how I’m supposed to cope when Modern Warfare 2 comes out next week; I need my daily supply of gratuitous violence! Never mind, I’ll survive. Hope everyone - or more accurately, anyone - that still reads my blog is doing well. I’ll try and get something worth reading up soon.

No promises, mind.

Who Watches The Watchmen?

Sun, 27 Sep 2009 00:24:00 +0100

Me! Or, well, I did. And yeah it totally sucked me in, to the point that it made me buy my first “graphic novel”. Back in the day it’d be called a comic book, though. But it’s fantastic. I’ve really been sucked in to the whole world, and I’m working my way through the original comic slowly but surely. I’m about half way through, and I’m constantly surprised by how many of the lines from the comic were used in the film directly, without butchering or anything.

It’s a good one. But, is it a stepping stone to introduce me to the world of comic books? I highly doubt it. I’ve found myself realising that, without the film adaptation, I’d be very lost within the complex world built up, and the many characters and their relationships. The film laid it out, and the comic is adding the little details that I wanted to know about. I just don’t think comics are for me, but this is an exception to the rule.

Anyway; sorry about the lack of writing recently, things have been pretty busy lately as I keep saying, but my leisure time is constantly being kept to a minimum right now with work taking up pretty much all of my time. Not to say that’s a bad thing, mind - I’m loving having something to do as opposed to doing fack all constantly!

They Don't Love You Like I Love You

Mon, 07 Sep 2009 23:33:28 +0100

Hey, you! Yeah you. That’s right. The person reading my blog. How are you? Are you enjoying yourself right now? Having a good time? I sure hope so. There shouldn’t be many reasons to be down right now. The sun is still out at this time of year, and things are moving on. We’re moving on up with new things on the horizon and from what I can tell, there shouldn’t be anything massively negative on anyone’s mind right now - with the exception of monetary turmoil.

That’s how I feel right now anyway, things are all good with the exception of money, but come the end of the month this will be remedied and I should be set. Can’t wait! I’ll be able to plan and spend and save and such. Money, yaaay!

Reading Festival was fucking ace, people. I’m not gonna lie, if you havn’t been yet you simply have to go in the next few years before you get just that little bit too old for it so you can fully appreciate it at this age. This year, the warm drink of choice was cans of pear Gaymers cider, which I have since found to be absolutely vile and dispicable. I can’t handle it any more regardless of how much I enjoyed it whilst I was actually there!

Radiohead headlining on the Sunday - whilst the complete polar opposite to last years festival - was exactly what was needed after a hectic weekend of drinking, smoking and dancing like crazy. They were fantastic too, I’ve never experienced a set quite like it. The best part about Radiohead for me (aside from them playing Paranoid Android live - ohhhh man) was how much Becky and Lewis enjoyed the gig too. They went in to it a bit unsure, bringing out the usual “Radiohead are depressing, meh” comments - and after the second song Becky’s mind was set, she’d completely changed her opinion on it all and really got in to it. I’m really glad this was the case as it meant I could enjoy the rest of the set with others enjoying the set - a great close to the festival.

As for the rest of it: Frank Turner was just superb. He commands so much crowd respect and participation it’s crazy, almost everyone in the tent was singing along and dancing along to his songs and that’s something I’ll keep with me for quite some time. I just wish I had people to see it with. It was the same with Crystal Castles, except everyone inside the tent was either pilled up to either the extreme that they were going absolutely crazy dancing with amazing energy, or they were wiped out on the floor staring gormlessly at the band. Either way, Crystal Castles live were another one of the bands I knew I had to see and I’ve come away feeling so glad I saw them.

Other great bands over the weekend include Kings of Leon - minus their little hissy fit at the crowd, they were great. Hearing tens of thousands of people sing Sex on Fire is an experience you have to…well, experience to understand. Bloc Party were right on form this time around with a brilliant set and the return of their fantastic laser show for Flux, which continues to impress me. The Prodigy were quite simply mind blowing; I’ve never seen anything like it. Absolutely everyone in the field was dancing their tits off - myself included - and the atmosphere was immense. I’d love to see them play again, but definitely outside in a festival setting like this. Couldn’t imagine an inside Prodigy gig.

Yeah Yeah Yeah’s were fairly mediocre (ending up in me dubbing them the Meh Meh Meh’s) with the exception of their acoustic, slow version of Maps which was magical once you got past the realisation you wouldn’t be hearing the fantastic drum beat - a slight disappointment. Maximo Park are a band I was looking forward to but left a very small impression on me, in that I can only distinctly remember Our Velocity being played to close the set - but what I do remember about it was that it was very good. I’d like to see them again to do them justice.

So yeah, everyone else I saw over the weekend (Kaiser Chiefs, Enter Shikari, Friendly Fires, Fall Out Boy and more) were all great too. The worst band of the weekend for me were Deftones - not knowing any of their music probably didn’t help, but after listening to their set, I know I don’t particularly want to go listen to it either. And the festival itself was brilliant. Great atmosphere, great people and a great time. Oh, and I acquired the new nickname Fuzzy Bear by nearby campers. Smooth or what?

Aside from the Festival, I’ve been working and really starting my new job since returning, and my my it’s been tough. The fact that I had an atrocious cold didn’t help me on my first day, meaning I made plenty of mistakes I shoulodn’t have, but things are looking up. The team are starting to gel a lot better and people are settling in to the way things work. I’m looking forward to the point where we’re no longer considered a new team, and instead we’re thought of as the regular HMV Camberley team. It’s sure an experience though, as well as a challenge and one I’m tackling head on right now. I’m bound to have both good and bad days but today itself was a good day, and I came back and was able to just relax and play some video games - something I’ve not done for a few weeks. My next day off is Wednesday, and I can’t wait to sink some quality time in to my Xbox.

Something I’m missing out on is the moving back to uni situation right now. Everyone is back off to uni and moving in to their own place and such, and I’m staying here at home. I feel like I’m missing out on something; I’d love to be one of the people off to move in to a house for the first time with a bunch of flatmates. I guess I miss James quite a bit, one of my workmates reminds me of him a little bit with the inside jokes we have which I realised earlier today. And that reminds me, I need to send him his copy of Call of Duty 4 and Street Fighter back soon. Ah well. It’ll have to be the end of the month, in which I’ll get paid and automatically lose half of it due to personal debts.

Ain’t life in ~~Rapture~~ Aldershot grand?

My Inspiration. To clarify, for our HMV teambuild we had to come...

Wed, 26 Aug 2009 02:54:40 +0100

My Inspiration.

To clarify, for our HMV teambuild we had to come up with a lyric and have our photo taken by the manager to go up on our staff room wall. The lyric or quote is supposed to be something that inspires you and this lyric from Foo Fighters’ Everlong does just that. I feel that it accurately portrays how I feel about the music I love. When listening to it or singing along to it the euphoria I get is immense. Hence, my inspiration. What inspirational quote/lyric would you have?

That boy needs therapy!

Wed, 26 Aug 2009 02:49:45 +0100

Absolutely shattered as of late, zero time for gaming, socializing or writing. This job is tougher than you might imagine it to be - I just got back from working a 12 hour shift and my body is a wreck. It should calm down soon though, with any luck. It’s just a case of setting up the store and getting up and running as soon as possible. Once that’s out the way it’ll be back to normality, oh, there goes gravity.

Reading Festival TODAY, after one final 12 hour sprint to the finish. I’m gonna be wiped out but at least it’s finally here - I honestly hadn’t noticed it creeping up with the excitement of starting a new job!

So, on that bombshell, I’ll be off for now. Reading Festival thoughts and more “new job!” speak when I get back. Keep well everyone!

Working Man

Fri, 21 Aug 2009 01:24:56 +0100

Man, HMV is tough stuff. I’ve been absolutely rushed off my feet the past couple of days and have had no time for either writing or gaming, as much as I’d like to. Maybe things will calm down soon, once the new store has gone in to full swing.

Reading Festival next Wednesday after a 12 hour shift. Can’t wait - it’s gonna be a good one.

Gamer Love

Thu, 13 Aug 2009 22:16:23 +0100

thelewisaurus:

I wanted to play my Xbox today, so I could download Trials HD which looks like something I would severely get hooked on.

He doesn’t know what he’s letting himself in for. Trials HD is fantastic.

It was a fantastic night, seeing Hadouken! in a tiny venue, 250...

Sat, 01 Aug 2009 00:36:00 +0100

It was a fantastic night, seeing Hadouken! in a tiny venue, 250 capacity max. Totally different to seeing them at Reading Festival with a massive crowd where the people there are half-fans, people who know one of their songs, you know the type. Not that there’s anything wrong with that at all but when the room is full of people who know their album through repeated playthroughs the atmosphere can’t really be described. H! themselves were brilliant, the set was full of energy and they played all the stuff they should have done, including some brand spanking new stuff just for us. Tubelord were truly strange, catchy indie guff, with my comment about the Bassist having multiple seizures and singing about a metre away from the microphone still ringing true in my ears. Plus, I got to see it with James who I hadn’t seen since I left University several months ago which was fucking ace.

More like that, please.

Taken from James Lewis’ ‘thelewisaurus’ tumblr:

Hadouken! live. Really enjoyed Tubelord live, although slighty weird. Bassist was having way too many seizures to be taken seriously.

Was great to see Lewis again, regardless.

Best bit of the night was overseeing an old man use Twitter on his iPhone to write, in the middle of the gig I might add;

“Hadouken!? More like Fuckdouken!”.

Some people think I'm bonkers - but I just think I'm free..

Mon, 27 Jul 2009 03:05:08 +0100

Times have been strange recently. I can’t put my finger on exactly what it is that’s getting to me, but it feels like I’m changing, as a person…but I’m not alone. Everyone else is changing, too - some for the better, some not so. In fact, it’s entirely possible that everyone else around me is changing but I’m staying exactly the same. Swings and roundabouts.

Summer goes on this year without any visible drama for once - must be the first time in 4 years I’ve been able to say that. Unfortunately the momentum of seeing friends has slowed right down in the past few weeks, with people becoming increasingly busy, tied up or having other things/people take priority. I suppose I should have expected this to happen at about this point in time with people moving in to their university houses and going on trips and such but that doesn’t stop it being any less boring. These days I spend my time here on my computer which feels like it’s about to fall apart at any moment, and when I’m not doing that I’m playing my Xbox and racking up the Gamerscore, all whilst spending money I don’t have.

However, on this occasion I can happily say that things are about to change. I finally got a job offer, the very same one that fell through only a couple of weeks before at HMV Camberley, so if you’re in the area following the 10th of August then please come on by and buy something from me! Please? Exciting stuff for sure, I really cannot wait to start and get stuck in. We’re opening a brand new store with a brand new team that’ll be meeting for the first time this coming Friday for teambuilding in Richmond. I have no idea whatsoever what to expect but I’m hoping it won’t be super awkward. As Becky pointed out earlier the manager obviously has good taste in people so I shouldn’t worry too much! Haha.

So that’s this coming Friday, with a week of training afterwards, and from that point on I’m a working man. It hasn’t really hit me yet just how much time I’ll be missing out on, but on the flipside how much money I’ll have coming in. Top of the list for me on receiving my first paycheck? Driving lessons! It’s something I’ve been looking forward to undertaking for a few months now, especially since leaving University, and I’m hoping that it’s a project that’ll hold my interest for quite some time. Following this of course, I’ll be able to drive, and with a job under my belt I might be able to afford the costs involved in running a little runaround motor… But that’s not for quite some time yet!

In something quite different, time for a music spot. Muse have a new song out, following a week long internet/real life treasure hunt spanning Europe and America. It was quite an exciting affair to be involved in, but ultimately us Muse fans got a nice treat out of it - the song “United States of Eurasia” off the album “The Resistance” coming out this September (can’t wait, by the way). The song itself is one that’ll divide everyones opinions, and has already begun to - some people are thrilled by the song ans think that Muse are well on their way to producing another masterpiece album, whereas others slate the song for being too much like Queen. I sit somewhere in the middle, but leaning closer to the first side. The song is absolutely fantastic and has the potential to become the next Knights of Cydonia style floorfiller you hear at rock clubs and the like.

Another musical favourite of mine this week has been something rather different - Buddy Holly by Weezer. “But wait!” you cry, “Buddy Holly has been out for years now, we all know how that goes!” And to your credit, you’re right. It has. But the 8-bit version of it most certainly hasn’t, and has been getting a huge number of plays through my iTunes over the past week. With thanks to @SuperKaylo on Twitter for providing the link that led to this discovery, I now pass this link on to you in hopes that you too find something you like or indeed love. It’s right here. Rock on.

And finally, my recent band addiction has been less band based and more person based. Damon Albarn has been filling my head with both Blur’s “The Best Of” album and both Gorillaz albums - “Gorillaz” and “Demon Days” being my most played ever since seeing Blur live a few weeks ago. I’ve always liked Blur and Gorillaz in the past but I’ve never fully appreciated them until now. Damon’s voice is truly something special, moulding to whatever style is thrown at him, and the instrumentation and lyrics are spot on every time. Personal highlights from me would have to be “Out Of Time”, “The Universal” and “Coffee And TV” by Blur, and “Feel Good Inc.”, “El Manana” and of course, “Clint Eastwood” by Gorillaz. I’m sure you’ll have heard 4 or 5 out of 6 of these songs, and for good reason. They’re all brilliant tracks.

To close, I’ll mention that this Wednesday is something I’ve been looking forward to for a couple of weeks now as Lewis, James, Becky, Adam, Ryan, myself and more go and see Hadouken! live in London. So far the organizational skills of me shine through once more evidently - proven by the fact that there is next to nothing sorted. So…that’s my plan for tomorrow. Sort out Wednesday, have an awesome time, and probably write about it here. Score.

Tell me I'm not dreaming, but are we out of time?

Wed, 08 Jul 2009 20:23:40 +0100

Bit of an update since I havn’t really written much as of late - the writing has taken a backseat for some reason. Not entirely sure why, but I think boredom is playing its’ part. It’s as if I’m too bored to write. Is that possible? Surely writing would actually free me of boredom temporarily?

Philosophical musing aside, let’s update you lovely people on what’s new.

…

And there we have it! Yup, since my last update absolutely nothing major has changed. I’m still valiantly searching for a job after I found out today that my HMV application fell through in the worst possible way. I had a job interview just over a week ago and I went in nervous, and came out brimming with confidence. It seemed like the interview just couldn’t have gone any better for me, and I was positive that the interviewer wanted me under his wing when he opened the new store in Camberley - and I was right! The guy thought I had a fantastic interview and really liked me, and that everything going ahead successfully I should get the job when the store opens at the end of July. Unfortunately, for some unknown reason, the opening of the new store has fallen through, and there’s a little issue in trying to work somewhere there’s no store, obviously. Whilst the guy has told me that it’s possible things may change, there’s also a possibility that if they do I’ll have to reapply and go through the interview process again, and I just don’t think I can pull through another interview with such confidence.

To tell the truth I am pretty gutted about the situation, from being told a job is pretty much yours to hearing that the job never really existed ultimately isn’t too nice a feeling. On the plus side, at least I know I beat 27 other people to the job, so someone out there wants me to work for them, it’s just a case of finding them, and hoping that I can start without any problems.

It occurred to me earlier that this isn’t the first time a job offer has gone awry. When I last had a successful interview, it was for Tesco, my first job. I applied in roughly October and had the interview after 2 weeks. I thought things had gone well - and once again they had - but after a few weeks of not hearing anything I had assumed that I wasn’t successful. The day I gave up on it was the day I got a phone call from Tesco saying that although they wanted me to start working for them, recruitment had actually closed and they couldn’t take me on board at the time and I’d have to wait. 2 months later I started working for them. Why is it that employment isn’t easy?

So, that’s an update on the career side of things. Socially things recently have been fantastic, with the two highlights of late being Danny’s birthday party in which I managed to get absolutely smashed along with everyone else and almost lose my lungs through playing the vocals on Rock Band (I’m fairly certain the alcohol was giving me the illusion that I was a rock star on stage with my band), but even more exciting was seeing Blur live in Hyde Park on impulse last Friday.

Luckily for me, Becky ‘Cuddle Saviour’ D’Cunha (whom I meant to write about in my last blog but it slipped my mind on one of my crazy tangents - doh!) had 2 tickets spare after two people had to drop out of seeing the gig with her, so me and Lewis accompanied her, Roxie and Hattie to London through the beautifully air-conned overground trains followed by the sweltering heat of the tube and eventually to Hyde Park where almost everything reminded me of Reading Festival - the tents, the toilets, the shops (and their prices..), and finally the massive stage on which the support acts and finally Blur played. Everything had that festival feel about it, which made the day even sweeter. Blur themselves were fantastic, playing all the songs I knew including Out Of Time, one of my all time favourite songs. And seeing them with such a good bunch of friends just enhanced the experience. Oh, and I got to put Roxie and Hattie on my shoulders at a gig, something I’ve wanted to do for aaages! :D

So that was great, a really fun time was had by all, and I have fond memories of it. I don’t think it could have been much better…well, maybe if I hadn’t missed Song 2. But nevermind. On the plus side I did get to see Parklife unlike the girlies! Swings and roundabouts.

Since then not much has happened to be fair, there hasn’t been any major socialization going on at all save for a Camberley visit with Lucy and a few nights of gaming online with various people, something that has been neglected recently and I hope shall be rectified in the upcoming weeks! (Hint hint! :P)

So, things to do in the near future:

- Keep looking for jobs with a whole lot of false hope as always. Applied for a ton over a week ago and none got back to me, therefore demoralization etcetera.
- Go to Lisa’s on Sunday and socialize a little with a different friend group just to shake things up a little.
- Continue to get more and more hyped by the day for Reading Festival 2009 - 50 days to go!
- Ensure I actually have funds for Reading Festival 2009. I fear this may be overlooked. Plans are to be made..!

One of the many nights out in Camberley since everyone got back...

Mon, 29 Jun 2009 04:24:09 +0100

One of the many nights out in Camberley since everyone got back for Summer. :D

This fear's got a hold of me

Fri, 19 Jun 2009 04:02:00 +0100

“Surprise!” Fantastic photo this. Love it.

So, it looks like I’m back to my old ways. It’s 3:00am in the morning and I’m absolutely shattered. The sensible thing to do right now would be to go to bed, but you know me, I’m a loose cannon. Whoa! He’s writing a blog! Surprise ladies and gentlemen, he’s ditching the common sense option in favor of a stint of writing. Let’s see where he goes with this one shall we?

Well, to be honest, I don’t know where I’m going with this one. I’m in a peculiar mood, not feeling superb but not feeling bad by any means either. I’m fairly sure I know the reasons behind both sides of the mood pendulum. On one hand we have advancement, and generally having a good time. On the other we have being stuck in a rut and being bored out of my mind when I’m not having a good time.

It’s an odd one, guys. I’ll start off with the latter; and why I hit the down points at the moment. There’s one big reason which I’m sure you’re all aware of, and that is quite simply being unemployed. As I saw down to my mid-afternoon breakfast of a bowl of cereal a few days ago, I was lucky enough to catch the news on TV. Unemployment in the country has risen to 2.6 million, and that was at the last count in April. 2 months have passed since then - with thousands more jobs being lost across the country, millions of people are now like me, looking for jobs up and down the country, whatever they can get.

The people that have it worst right now jobseeking wise are the school, college and uni leavers like myself; and with another year of education about to draw to a close it’s about to become even harder. What’s happening is that the low-level jobs that would usually go to a school leaver are being given to people who have worked higher up with years of experience because they’ve been put out of a job all of a sudden. And who can blame the employers? Take on someone with no experience or take on someone who’s been doing it all their life?

So, boiling this down to me, what we now have is someone who has left the educational system at the worst possible time and is finding it impossible to get even a shit retail job because they’re all being taken by people who have lost their jobs, livelihoods and in some extreme cases, homes. I can’t put the blame on anyone for this, but the worst thing is that I know people look at me and think, “What is he doing with his life? What is he trying to achieve right now? Look, he’s unemployed and not in uni. Shouldn’t he be working?” I guess the thing to do is just to try not to think about it that way, keep on trying the various methods of recruitment and have my fingers crossed.

Until something happens workwise, it’s holding me back financially, which is in turn holding my life back. I cannot do anything to push myself right now without becoming employed first. I want to learn to drive but that’s not going to happen until I have an income. In the somewhat distant future I’d like to look in to moving out and away which can’t happen without an income. I’ve got all these things I’d like to do and it just feels like every day I sit at home and do nothing is another day I’ve wasted.

So that’s what’s really getting me down at the moment. There are other smaller factors as well, and they all build up in to one big thing in time. But what about the other side of things? What have I got keeping me sane in these tough times?

Number one, my friends. Simple as, right now the biggest joy I have in my life is seeing my friends, any of them, to do anything. Be it a long trek to Portsmouth (which of course won’t be happening for several months now), a train ride to Camberley for a few or indeed many many drinks, or meeting up with someone in Aldershot, everyone is finally back from university for the summer and funtimes have been had and will continue to do so. Over the weekend I stayed over at Becky’s house with Lewis and Clarky, met a few new people, had the most expensive breakfast of my life but most importantly, I had a damn good time. Then on Monday this week, a big group of us went to Thorpe Park and that was a simply superb day out. And then last night too, going out in Camberley with a similar sized group for a few drinks at Spoons and getting jolly with a little helping hand from Mr. Alcohol. All three occasions have been times where I’ve had an immense amount of fun in their company and for that I’m very grateful.

Number two, advancement. Whilst some aspects of my life may be stuck in a rut and not going very well, at the same time some aspects are going better than others. I’m supposed to be going away to London this weekend with Lucy and a few of her friends which I’m looking forward to greatly, assuming it all goes ahead. On this front I can say that this is something that is keeping me going right now, anticipation, excitement and such.

And finally, there’s the knowledge that it really could be a whole lot worse. When I stop and look at it all, it’s not all bad. Sure, I might not be doing anything with my days right now and it might be crazy frustrating, but at least I have a roof over my head in which to do nothing in. At least I have people around me that care about how I’m doing, and friends that want to see me. I don’t have any monthly bills to pay, I don’t pay rent yet, and I’m living comfortably, albeit bored. It’s not too bad.

And on the plus side, it means I have a huge amount of time to dedicate to gaming. I honestly don’t know what I’d do without my Xbox 360 at the moment. Which reminds me; I need to invite the guys over for a Rock Band 2 session. I miss those.

Yes! You Talk Too Fast

Sat, 13 Jun 2009 02:00:00 +0100

Right, with any luck, this blog post will be a success in comparison to the last one I tried to write. A few days ago I was all of a sudden overcome with the urge to write about something close to my heart but I was unable to put my thoughts on paper, and therefore didn’t publish it. I think that was the first time I have experience true writers block, and it sucked.

So, a new day, a new attempt at writing a blog. And to be fair it really has been a while since writing, enough has happened since for my everyday state of mind to be significantly altered, anyway. The main factor behind this being that everyone is back from University for the Summer which is without a doubt the best news in months for me.

I’ve slowly but surely been going stir crazy here at home, with nothing to do and nobody to see, it means I just havn’t been able to get out of the house, and if I was, it’d be to sign on, which just so happens to be one of the most depressing things you could be doing with your Thursdays. Sure it might not be as hard as work but I’ll be damned if you don’t feel like shit every time you go in there and pick up your money for being unable to find work - something that doesn’t look like it’s changing any time soon unfortunately.

Anyway, I recently went down to Portsmouth for the weekend for a final 3 days and 2 nights spent getting drunk and god knows what else in halls. It was something I had been anticipating for weeks on end with nothing else going particularly well, and I’d be spending time with the best friend doing what we do best, playing Rock Band, chatting bullshit, heavily drinking and sleeping appaulingly. On paper it was going to be an epic “weekend” (it was a Thursday til Saturday thing but I keep referring to it as a weekend - it just had that feel to it) with one night spent going out and getting absolutely wasted and the other night staying in and getting absolutely wasted. Little did I know that whilst going out was going to be a great time, essentially I’d cause my best friend to get hit in the back of the head four or five times.

I look back on it now with an unbelievable sense of stupidity - hindsight is truly a marvellous thing. The situation could easily have been avoided at so many points, by going to another club as planned, by perhaps having one drink less, or by simply having a head on my shoulders and saying “No” when Roxie dared me to pour drink over the side of the balcony. What was I thinking? It was a moment of weakness and it ended up ruining the otherwise fantastic evening. I keep thinking now, what would I do in the situation? I keep telling myself I’d have done something about it or not done it in the first place, defended him, anything, but in reality I was in that situation and didn’t do anything, which is what affects me to the day. I’m still shocked that I let it all happen and didn’t actively try and stop it. Sure, I tried to defuse the situation by talking to people, but when it came to bite the bullet I let it happen and I really do hate myself for it.

And indeed things since then have been odd. Whilst we’re all smiles and jokes about the situation now, it doesn’t mean it’s over. The moment still pops in to my head every now and again and ensures I feel like a dick for a few more minutes. I’m hoping primarily that the situation doesn’t arise again, but I’m also hoping that one day I’ll get the chance to prove to myself that I don’t just let other people fight my battles for me. I know inside me I shouldn’t be like that.

The rest of the weekend was great, though. Elephant Falling Down The Stairs is a smash hit waiting to happen ~~(look out for it in all good record stores soon)~~ and I think that, despite all the shit, we still gave Portsmouth a fitting send off. It’s almost been like a second home to me this year with me frequently spending time down there, and has been home to some truly brilliant memories. I’m going to miss those halls almost as much as I miss my old flat in Bournemouth. That said, I look forward to checking out the guys’ and girls’ seperate houses in September, that should be a real blast. In summary, Portsmouth? “Yeeeah, it’s aalriiight!”

And as previously mentioned, everyone is either back from University now or is immensely close to finishing for the Summer, and despite me not having a job or anything, at least I know I’m not going to be as bored as I have been in the previous months. The plans for the immediate future are as follows; drinks ~~tomorrow~~ tonight in Camberley at short notice, then Thorpe Park on Monday which should be immense fun. Unfortunately there are quite a few people that don’t appear to be able to come which is a shame - I was hoping that with notice people would be able to make arrangements but I suppose not! Nevermind - from looking at the list of people that are attending it should still be a fantastic time and who knows, maybe I’ll get a go on SAW: The Ride this time. That’d be nice!

Words Of Wisdom

Wed, 27 May 2009 03:18:00 +0100

Tomorrow is a doing day.

Ideally, yeah, it is. Got a lot to get around to doing and God knows I won’t do any of them. Or maybe I will. Fingers crossed..

Fangs up, Cobra style!

Fri, 22 May 2009 01:55:00 +0100

I feel strange - not quite in the mood to write and yet I have loads going on in my mind right now. I thought the best thing to do would be to start writing and see where that leads me.

Right now I’m listening to Viva La Cobra! by Cobra Starship, which undoubtedly has the potential to be one of my favourite albums. Without a doubt it’s my album of 2009 so far. I tend to do those things weirdly, going by the year I discover them as opposed to year of release, which also explains why Fallout 3 is my game of 2009 so far. Anyway; Viva La Cobra! comes highly recommended, give it a whirl. It was recommended to me by Lucy, along with several other bits and pieces but this is one that’s really stuck.

As for life, I’ve had a fairly interesting week for once, one where I’ve actually done things instead of being stuck in my house getting more and more irritated at my own state of affairs. Went and saw Star Trek with Becky on Monday which was surprisingly good - for a story in which I’ve previously had no interest it did a fine job of drawing me in to the characters and plot. At the very least it’s accessible, so if you were thinking of seeing it but were concerned that you wouldn’t know what was going on it’s really not an issue.

Even more exciting than this and highly anticipated by myself (and seemingly a number of my friends - bless ‘em for being interested!) was the…date (eeep feels like such a weird phrase to be using but that’s essentially what it was!) I went on last night with aforementioned Lucy. This is the first time I’ve written about it so I’m thinking it might help to get things off my chest a little bit.

I was worried that it’d be somewhat bizarre considering that, despite the fact we’ve been talking and texting extensively recently, we hadn’t actually spent any time exclusively in each others’ company and hadn’t seen each other since College kicked out, but it seems like I didn’t really have anything to worry about. I hopped on the train to Woking to see Angels and Demons with her and the conversation flowed right up until the film started and begun once more the moment the film stopped. Something strange I noticed was that I could really feel the seats moving as a result of my heartbeat - which was truly bizarre but for some reason is just one of those things I remember. I remember being quite embarrassed about the fact and kept trying to fidget in to a new position where this wouldn’t happen so much! D’oh.

Following this we went to Zizzi’s for a meal; and I gotta say it felt somewhat peculiar. This was essentially the first time I’d taken someone out on a date before and I didn’t know what to expect at all, but it just seemed to come naturally, little jokes (some recurring; the visual image of a chicken hopping out of a bucket is something I don’t think I’ll forget..) came up every now and then, there were things to talk about and it all felt very…comfortable. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Walking back to the train station, I offer to walk her back to her house which we then go ahead and do. On arriving at her house, the plan was for me to turn around and walk back to the station, but somewhere along the way I’m invited in for a drink and can’t help but accept, and this is where things stop flowing as they had done for the rest of the evening and crash to a halt like a train in to a brick wall. My mind just turns to mush for a good 45 minutes or so and I’m unable to think of anything of interest to say, leaving me sitting there like someone who’s contracted severe amnesia. Needless to say I felt crap upon leaving, after what seemed like a good evening turned in to a really strange awkward/helpless hybrid of a period of time. I can’t put my finger on what it was that happened that stopped the flow but it was peculiar. I’m just hoping that she doesn’t look back on the evening with that at the front of her mind.

So, there. I’ve written it out and..well, for once, I don’t feel any better for having done so. Usually I’ve been able to use my blog as some sort of self-therapy, as I’ve said before writing helps me work things out and straightens out my thoughts as I write them down, but for once I still feel as clueless as I did when I started writing. Not sure what’s different about this compared to other times, but I’m sure it’ll come out in the wash.

And believe it or not, the week isn’t even over yet. I have an interview to go to tomorrow for this job as a door-to-door sales rep based in Guildford, and there are both pros and cons to it. On the plus side, I’d be working with Stefen which is something I’d be really excited for. He’s a great guy and someone I get on with really well, and I think working with him could be what I need right now to lift my spirits a little. On top of this it’d get me off the dole which I can’t stand, and on a good shift I’d be getting a decent pay. On the downside, it’s the one job I’ve mentioned that my Dad has simply said “Don’t do it” to. He’s as eager for me to get a job as I am and for him to turn around and tell me not to go for it, really gives me something to think about. Not to mention if I take the job, decide it’s not for me and quit, I can’t get back on the dole for another three months meaning zero income for that time unless I find a job quickly. And finally, it’s completely commission based, meaning on a good day I could earn over £150, and on a bad (or perhaps even normal) day I could be looking at £0 a shift. It’s hard to say what kind of money I’d be looking at as it’s so unpredictable, but I’m not confident I’d be earning much with the recession currently in full swing and people not necessarily having money to spend on brand spanking new windows.

Regardless, the interview is tomorrow, which I’ll attend and consider the offer if I get one. I’m leaning towards taking the job and continuing my job hunt as I work there but I haven’t made up my mind as of yet. I’ll let you know how it goes though readers. Thanks for reading my innermost thoughts once again readers, and hope to see you soon :)

Flat 67

Fri, 15 May 2009 02:13:00 +0100

For the first time since leaving University, tonight marks the night when I realise just how much I miss Bournemouth. It just sorta hit me, out of nowhere, a wave of nostalgia and memories from living in the tiny box with 5 people I genuinely liked, regardless of differences we may have all had.

Where do I start? I’m not really sure. I remember being super nervous when I moved in, worried that I’d be the outsider in the flat and wouldn’t get on with people and such, but then the moment I met Eddy, and then James, Laura, Rosie and finally Lucy I knew I had nothing to worry about. Each person was their own character but not conflictingly so, I got on with everyone in the flat regardless of small arguments that erupted over the most pointless things.

Washing up. That was the real killer. I could probably count the number of times that washing up wasn’t mentioned in a conversation during a day on one hand. It was the primary aggravator of everyone in the flat and caused so many flat dramas it was insane. Not as much as next door - could have filmed an entire spin off series of Hollyoaks with all the drama gong off over there - but enough to keep things interesting. But I look back on it all now and think “God damn, no matter how frustrating it was, how many late night 2am kitchen conversations with James would I have missed out on if the washing up wasn’t there to spur us on?”

And those magical lengthy discussions me and James would have in the kitchen are perhaps what I miss the most. No matter what day it was, whether there was an important deadline the next day or it was the weekend you could bet that if it was late at night and there was a kettle boiling in the kitchen, it would be me and James nattering about how golden bloody vegetable got its’ name or something about Jewish people no doubt. And then we’d go and play a game of FIFA, or James would skate along the narrow hallway and then Laura would shout at us, and I’d go to bed with a smile on my face. It was brilliant.

I hope that the flat hasn’t changed too much. I’d like to think that Eddy is still out all the time getting stoned, Rosie and George practically live in the end room and cook extravagant foods, Lucy still comes in drunk at 4am in the morning and worries she’s lost her phone, Laura still does mysterious things behind her locked door late at night and sarcastically takes the piss out of James (but certainly not his Dad), and James ~~is still shit at FIFA~~ finds a way to take the piss out of about every aspect of life, ever, whilst still coming across as one of the most likeable guys I’ve ever met. And me? Well right now I’d be complaining about Eddy’s smoking to James and Rosie in the kitchen, be getting told off about the noise by Laura, helping Lucy in to her room like some sort of night porter and topping it off with a blog post.

And with all that said, I know I don’t need to think that the flat is still the same way as it is when I left it, because deep down I know that things are exactly the way I left them.

And my god do I miss it.

(via playhimoffkeyboardcat) Happy to say I was the brains behind...

Mon, 11 May 2009 22:24:42 +0100

(via playhimoffkeyboardcat) Happy to say I was the brains behind this one. Took me all of 10 minutes to make but by Christ this is an awkward one. Luckily Keyboard Cat comes in and saves the day! *cringes*

"Untitled #1"

Fri, 08 May 2009 02:40:00 +0100

[Earlier on this evening I just hit a real pen and paper mood. It seemed to be spurred on by Lucy sending me a poem she wrote on paper and I grabbed my familiar jotter and wrote a little bit. This is what I wrote.]

Untitled #1
8th May 2009, 00:38

Alright then, I’m in the frame of mind to write now supposedly. Why? It’s odd, I havn’t felt the need or indeed urge to write with pen and paper for a long time. If It almost feels as if I locked that part of me away when I left university. I’ve just been missing that peculiar spark that gets the brain in to the creative phase.

But enough about writing about writing, I do it far too often and can sometimes waste that initial burst of creativity. (On a side note, my hand and figers are hurting quite a fair amount right now thanks to the intrusive binder in the centre ~~off~~ of this book. Notice how the bits on the left of the page are far less tidier than the right?)

~~Aside from falling for the same trap again~~
So as not to fall for the same trap again, I’ll move on. To the next page.

Bloody hell this is so much better. Left-handed pages are the best thing since developing hand cramps.

There have been a few great things going on recently. I’m feeling confident that soon enough I’ll be employed and earning money. But the thing that’s starting to get to me? Only just realising how lonely I am.

Some people might look at that statement and be confused. After all, I have a good bunch of friends and a family that loves me. But… I dunno. I need to be in contact with them, be ‘around’ them. I don’t have anyone to see any more, and this is what I feared when I left uni.

I revel in the chances I get to go to Portsmouth, have an ace weekend and get up to mischief, but the best part of it all is just seeing my friends. I really do miss them when they’re not here.

[…And that’s where it ended. At this point I had just finished two A5 pages, not much by any means, but my hand was hurting and I was about to hit the other side of the book, meaning I’d have to put up with the painful book binder once more.

I was by no means out of ideas and wanted to keep on writing. I also look back on it now and realise that actually it was a complete mess, and made very little sense, but I was distracted whilst writing it. More on the distraction in the future. It was worth it. :) ]

"‘Rawr’ means I love you in dinosaur!"

Wed, 06 May 2009 14:47:45 +0100

“‘Rawr’ means I love you in dinosaur!”

- Lucy Rowland, 6th May 2009